Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Video rated R for disturbing content

awake: a cry of pain in another room
you crumpled to the floor like a
suddenly string-less puppet

screaming, running, 911
blue eyes slide away
blue lips
...this is it… oh god don’t let this be it!!!
mouth-to-mouth, wiping away spittle and vomit
counting on your chest

pounding on the door, uniforms pour in
worker bees buzzing
...dialysis, perma-cath in his chest, fistula in his arm, no codeine!
...m’am, would you like to put some clothes on?

address book and a purseful of pills in the elevator
staring out the police car window
...did the siren sound like the screaming in my head?

the video in my head plays on a loop
sometimes in slow motion,
always in colour
the muffled soundtrack echoes

the video in my head plays on a loop
rated R for disturbing content


Amanda M said...

Oh hon, I really don't know what to say. It's so vivid for you still. Just keep remembering the good times. You know he would want you to laugh when you think of him.

Tara said...

I grieve with thee. xox

Shelley said...

I don't know what to say either,except that I wish I could give you a hug. I hope it gets easier and eventually, when you do think of him, it is the good memories, and not this one.

kikkster said...

i'm a stranger to you, but i know this video.
today would by my 4th wedding anniversary, but my best guy in the world died 20 months and one week ago.
i so wanted today to be a bright day, because it marks on of the happiest ever, but i know i can't force it.
the search goes on.

thank you for sharing. if the pain is still there, it is. it is part of the truth.
find peace.