Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I'm grieving as fast as I can

I have been through the wringer this past week or so, mentally speaking that is.

I’ve been out with friends, laughing and enjoying life in all its wonderful weirdness. I’ve lain despondent on the sofa staring at the ceiling feeling very sad and lonely. I’ve been boiling furious – screaming in anguish to peel the paint off the walls one night at about 3am (leaving me worried when no one did call the cops!). I’ve been excited about new ventures and adventures to come. I’ve been sharply disappointed at judgments made in my absence.

Maybe it’s just the heat and humidity…

Grief is a lonely journey – whether we travel with family and friends or not. Everyone who lives through the death of a significant person in their lives goes through a different experience. The variables are truly endless and can differ wildly even within one family or close knit group.

Each person’s relationship with the one who has died will colour the way they experience that loss as well as how they work through their grief. Their own life histories and personalities and beliefs will equally affect that experience. One person will experience each death that occurs during their lifetime in a different way as the layers of their life deepen and intertwine. Their past and their memories will become part of their future and their dreams.

Grief doesn’t come with a standard manual or a recipe. Grief has no universal timeline or predetermined expiration date. Grief is as individual as a fingerprint or DNA.

Some days it's enough to get out of bed and eat breakfast, other days are for taking on the world. Only I can decide which is which and when is enough.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Sandra,
Your blog is very touching. Your thoughts on your grieving process will most certainly help others who face something similar. Grief is a lonely experience, but somehow when we know that we aren't alone in grief, it helps. If you haven't already read C.S. Lewis' 'A grief observed', I highly recommend it.
Take care.