Monday, April 14, 2008

The "w" words

I've now been a widow for longer than I was a wife.

9 months, 1 week, and 2 days... well not quite 2 days, more like 1 and a 1/2 days.

That was how long Chris and I had been married when he died so suddenly in my arms early in the morning of July 2. Last Thursday marked that same period of time since Chris' death. I now find myself adrift in uncharted territory, unmarked time... A.C. (After Chris) if you will.

I spent more time planning our wedding than I spent actually being married! It really would be ridiculously funny if it weren't so achingly sad.

I never even got used to being a wife - to figure out what it meant to me, what kind of a wife I was and would become. A number of "w" words began to pop into my mind as I began writing this entry: woman, womyn, wife, widow, wench, witch, weaker sex, whore... all of these words heavy with meaning and emotion, each representing something different to different people in different cultures and different times.

Who am I? What am I? Just myself... whatever that may be.

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